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striders:

last night my mom was like “you know what? you should go to law school, you’d be a great lawyer” and all i can picture is lawyer-me making fart noises with my mouth every time the opposing lawyer tries to talk

(via generalbooty)

79,172 notes

catesstrophe:

today a dude slammed my finger on accident because he was closing a metal drawer i had my fingers in and i was on drive through and i literally screamed into the headset and the lady just kept ordering her drink as i was trying to hush down three different LOUD MEN SAYING “OH MY GOD WHAT DID HE DO TO YOUR HAND”

she just kept going 

i screamed into a headset and she just kept going

(via generalbooty)